Eleven Hours in a Car Together: Rules for the Road

A road trip is a relationship test that comes with gas station snacks.

There is no faster way to learn everything about a person than to sit fourteen inches from them across three states. Plan accordingly.

Settle these before you pull out

• Music: driver picks, passenger may veto twice per state.
• Snacks: one shared bag and one private stash. The private stash is not to be discussed.
• Stops: whoever needs one says so early, and nobody sighs.
• Directions: the phone gives them, so neither of you is to blame. Blame the phone together. It bonds you.

The wrong exit protocol

You will miss one. When it happens, the passenger gets exactly one remark, and it must be funny. After that, the matter is closed until Thanksgiving.

Take a shift of silence

You do not need to talk for eleven hours. Some of the best moments on the road are two people listening to the same song and watching a very long field go by. Silence in a moving car is not a fight. Silence at a rest stop might be.

Pack a good hat, bring a cooler, and remember that the story you tell at the next cookout is mostly about the part that went wrong. That is the souvenir.